As much as I like going to new places, I can't say that I am a fan of airports.
My first experience in O'Hare was sort of annoying I now know why people say they hate that airport so much.
My gate changed twice, and the gate where I was suppose to leave from ended up housing the people preparing to go to New Orleans....who as it turns out had, had their gate changed 3 times. Ridiculous. No wonder nobody wants to go through there.
The only truly good thing to come out of airports is people watching. I am convinced there is no better place to participate in this sport...except perhaps Disneyland.
While sitting at my gate (and sipping some truly un-exciting Starbucks coffee) I had the pleasure of a veritable jackpot of "people". I use the term loosely of coarse, because some of these flesh and blood blobs existing, merely by occupying space do not entirely qualify as human beings or people for that matter.
#1.The young couple:Man-Baby why do we have to spend a week with your parents, the wedding's only one day.
Woman-Because you forced me to stay 3 days with your stupid brother and his bitch of a girlfriend last month.
Man-She's not a bitch she's just....sophisticated.
Woman-Sophisticated???? That woman wouldn't know sophisticated if I shoved a 6 piece orchestra and a pearl necklace up her ass.
Man-Why do you always have to treat people like that?
Woman-You think she's pretty don't you?
Man-I never said that, where did you get that from?
Woman-Admit it? You asshole you think she's prettier than me.
This was by no means the end of the conversation, but my interest was faining and I looked for something a little more exciting.
#2 Blind Man and his dog VS. Fat PigA blind man and his dog were let into the terminal by an airport employee and seated in a chair that was closest to the gate entrance. Now, to me this makes sense, but the fat bastard 6 seats over refused to except this turn of events. He stood up, walked over to the blind man, poked him in the chest and said "Why the hell should you be so special that you get to sit this close to the door and go on first?" First of all I'm pretty sure had the fat man already been sitting in that seat nobody would have asked him to move and he would have been fine. It's not like there is assigned seating the terminal. Second...THE MAN IS BLIND. Needless to say, the dog growled and snapped at the fat man, the fat man tried to take a swing at the blind guy, and missed...fell on his ass and was escorted out by security.
#3 "MY EYES and NOSE"I was sitting down in the terminal enjoying my shitty cut of coffee and reading a wonderful book (Pillars of the Earth) when my nose was suddenly accosted by the smell of death and cheap perfume. I thought I was going to lose my muffin from earlier in the morning. When I looked up my eyes began to melt in their sockets. Standing in front of me...NO bending over (forwards) to sit in front of me was a "woman" in her mid 40's with BRIGHT pink eye shadow, about and inch wide strip of eyeliner that extended past the edge of her disturbingly black eyes (I assume she was wearing contacts). There had to be about a pound of weird orange hued foundation on her face with hooker red lipstick and pink cheeks. Her attire was a gold lamey mini skirt with leopard printed one armed spandex top, liquid silver leggings and 5 inch black stilettos. Now, I may not be too far off based to say that she very well may have been a trani or a hooker....or both for that matter. Needless to say I was disappointed to not be able to get a shot of this ravishing creature to accompany this story.
Thus concludes my airport experience in Chicago O'Hare.